New Beginnings

I was standing in the kitchen yesterday beginning my newly formed dinner prep routine while thinking about the past several weeks.  I began to cry. It wasn’t the onion, those tears would come next. Rather, I suddenly became overwhelmed with how much I’ve been blessed. 

Just one month ago I felt anguish trying to decide whether to leave my role at a company I love. Having worked for World Vision since my internship began in 2005 I’ve had ups and downs stretching my post-college wings.

My internship turned into a temporary position that lasted nine months before turning permanent. A couple of years later a departmental re-organization earned me a role as a mass marketing project manager that ended when the company was forced to conduct a reduction in force (layoff) resulting from a bad economy. 

Having the rest of the summer to enjoy, I spent most of my days out in the yard constructing new garden areas, weeding, and planting – a new passion was born! I kept the house spotless and had time in between job interviews here and there to catch up with friends and prepare meals. I was incredibly stressed knowing we needed an additional income if we were going to keep paying our bills. Somehow, with Matt’s limited income at the time and the measly unemployment checks I was receiving, we were able to make ends meet. This wouldn’t be possible without the help of friends and family who helped provide us decent meals in between our rice and bean dinners and the gas money I was earning working on the side for a friend’s janitorial company.

Going from prominent “Project Manager” to night custodian might be a jolt to any person’s ego but at times it was also humiliating and humbling. From recognition to stares of no recollection, emptying trash cans and cleaning bathrooms did little for my self-worth, especially when staff at the clinics I was cleaning looked at me like I was trash myself. And yet, having been laid off might have been the best thing that could have possibly happened to me. I worked side by side with “those” types of people and began to love and enjoy them. Before I ended my tenure with JTS Cleaning not only did I began to see the world and the people in it through a much different lens, but we also learned how to live much simpler and what our income needs really were.

I eventually was called back to World Vision to help as a temporary employee following the devastating earthquakes in both Haiti and Chile and then competed and was hired into a 1-year contract position that turned permanent six months later.  Shortly after the news of my pregnancy, while I was working with the media department, Matt felt led to leave his volunteer position as Lieutenant/EMT with the fire department, something that he was passionate about and had spent the previous seven years doing. Within a couple of months, as I was settling into my contract position, he was asked to attend driver training with his company, leading to a full-time driver position that would take him away from the poorly paid dock work he had been doing.

We welcomed the birth of our son, Nathaniel, on July 26, 2010.

I had to return to work eight weeks post-partum. I dropped Nathaniel off with Matt’s mom and tried to say goodbye without losing it, which was not successful! I cried all the way to work and was able to pull it together before entering the building. The day couldn’t have gone slower as I attempted to assimilate myself back. Before I knew it I was rushing back to pick up my baby.

This routine continued for several months and nearly made me late for work on a few occasions. I felt like I was a part-time parent, pulling Nathaniel out of bed before he was ready, getting him dressed and out the door. I tried to hold and play with him for the few short minutes I had each morning but would too soon be forced to pass him off and leave for the day. Once I was at work and was distracted with my responsibilities I was okay but each evening I would rush back and snuggle him, get him home and have to leave him sitting in his car seat while I hauled his stuff and my stuff out of the car, milk into the refrigerator, feed the dogs, etc, all at super speed. We would commence our nightly routine of feeding, pajamas on, and then he would have to play by himself while I would attempt to throw something together for dinner. It was off to read a book, sing a song, and put him into his crib, all within a span of two hours, just to repeat over beginning in the morning. Nathaniel wouldn’t nap well when he was away from home and I was miserable.

I drafted and submitted a part-time proposal all while debating whether or not I could or should just quit and stay home with him full-time. With the incredible support of Matt and months of mental deliberation, I went for the later. The part-time had been approved and the workload was locked and loaded. I just couldn’t do it. I gave my three week notice - - probably the longest three weeks of my life but I wanted to make sure I could wrap up as much of my open projects as possible.

And so, about 1 ½ weeks into my new role as Executive Mommy, I’m standing in the kitchen sobbing. Not because the new job is going horribly, but because it couldn’t be going better. How and why am I so blessed to have the opportunity to hold down my dream job, at least for now?